Jen's Blog Part 4
October. This is a big month-the month of pink, boobies and Halloween. It also signifies my anniversary-my cancer-versary. A year ago, I was still in blissful ignorance, enjoying every moment of getting to know my new home in Los Angeles. Within 5 days, I found a large lump in my right breast and my focus suddenly shifted to cancer.

This month is bittersweet. It's a reminder to all of us that the struggle continues. The hope is that awareness will spread, so we can fight and conquer. However, don't underestimate this foe. It's still a nasty adversary that takes your loved ones hostage and doesn't always give them back. This month is a reminder that I'm still hostage to this disease.

Emotional Rollercoaster

It makes me feel all sorts of mixed emotions especially sadness and anger and I just want to scream 'Screw You Cancer!!' Since that doesn't help anything, I turn it all off. I don't want to think, feel or do anything. I definitely don't want to be reminded that I have cancer. Then I just get mad at myself for having this stupid pity party. I kick myself out of bed, peel myself off the couch, turn off the TV and go do something. Anything. I put on a happy face and fake it until I make it. It gets tiring-this whole roller coaster of emotions that is my life.

Like I said, this month is a reminder to all of us. It reminds us of our loved ones who have fought or are still fighting. I know I'm not the only one to have received messages of love and support, so thank you for reminding me that I don't have to be strong all of the time because strength is all around me. When I don't feel strong enough-I have an army behind me and I realize that I'm not alone in this fight. A ferocious, pink army. I like the thought of that!

Jen decked out in a strapless dress-an infection brewing in her right breast
Jen rests after a surgery to remove infected tissue
Jen decked out in a strapless dress-an infection brewing in her right breast.   Jen rests after a surgery to remove infected tissue.